Fun and Games
by skieswideopen
Summary: Zo'or gets a lesson in humility courtesy of Liam. Inspired by a comment made by Liam in "First of Its Kind."


_"I'm good at games."_

- Liam Kincaid, "First of Its Kind"

**Fun and Games**

Zo'or's gaze was fixed on the two teenagers bent intently over the black-and-white chessboard.

"What," he asked at length, "is the purpose of this event?"

"It is a tournament," replied Da'an patiently from beside him. "A test of skill."

"A test of the skill of humans playing a game that any human child can master," said Zo'or flatly, turning away from the competitors. "Of what value is the game or the tournament?"

"I have observed that humans hold this game in high regard. Chess metaphors appear quite often in their speech."

"It is a waste of our time."

Da'an studied him calmly for a moment. "Perhaps if you were to attempt to play the game yourself, your appreciation of it might increase."

"And perhaps your recent defeat at foovlashaa by an unenhanced human has caused you to overestimate both human intelligence and the potential of human games."

"Major Kincaid has proven himself to be particularly adept at games," said Da'an. "I believe that he would be a worthy opponent for you should you wish to explore this game further...unless you fear defeat by an unenhanced human."

"I do not fear any human. Particularly one who lacks an implant."

"Of course not." Da'an looked back to the board, where the players were now standing. "It appears that the match is now over. We will soon be able to depart."

Zo'or also turned back to the board, and the two Taelons prepared for the coming ceremony.

* * *

Zo'or looked around the bridge of the mothership. Everything was running smoothly. He had no meetings to attend, no speeches to give or ceremonies to observe, and no emergencies to deal with. Nothing at all to break up the tedium of watching other people work. His mind drifted back to the Junior Chess Championship of the previous day...afraid of a human...ridiculous. Almost without thinking, he called up Sandoval's image.

"Agent Sandoval, what is Major Kincaid's current location?" There was a brief pause as Sandoval pulled up the information.

"According to the schedule, he should be at the Washington embassy right now."

"Is Da'an scheduled for any excursions today requiring Major Kincaid's presence?"

"No, Zo'or. Da'an plans to remain in the embassy all afternoon."

"Then inform Major Kincaid that I would like to see him on the mothership as soon as possible. And tell him to bring a chess set."

Sandoval hesitated. "A chess set?"

"Is there a problem, Agent Sandoval?" asked Zo'or sharply.

"Of course not, Zo'or. I'll contact Major Kincaid immediately."

* * *

Liam slid his global closed and spun his chair towards Da'an. The Taelon looked at him curiously.

"Da'an, do you have any idea why Zo'or wants me to bring a chess set to the mothership?"

Blue light flickered briefly under Da'an's skin. "He expressed an interest in the game yesterday during our attendance at the championship. It is possible that he wishes to further investigate it."

"Uh huh. And why is he asking me to play with him?"

"Zo'or made a comment yesterday about your skill at foovlashaa. I suggested that you might be a good choice for an opponent at this game as well."

"He commented on my skill at a Taelon game?" asked Liam skeptically.

"Indeed. His phrasing also made reference to my own lack of ability." Da'an paused and added, "I am confident that you will display the same skill in a chess match with Zo'or that you did in the foovlashaa match with me."

Liam grinned. "I hadn't realized Taelons could be so…competitive."

Da'an tilted his head slightly. "It may be that I have been influenced by my time spent in the company of humans. But I do believe that it would be a useful lesson for Zo'or to lose to a human. He tends to underestimate you."

"I'm not exactly human, Da'an."

"Zo'or does not know that."

"You do realize that I've never played chess before."

"You indicated that you had never played foovlashaa before our match either. I believe Agent Sandoval enjoys the game, does he not?"

"Yes, he does. Or at least he used to."

"Then you are familiar with the rules."

"Yeah, but..."

"It will be a beneficial experience, Liam."

"Beneficial for whom? Somehow, Zo'or doesn't strike me as someone who likes to lose, and I don't think he'll be too happy with anyone who puts him in that position."

"An accurate observation. However, since you are my protector, Zo'or will be unable to harm you. When is he expecting you?"

"According to Sandoval, as soon as possible."

"Then we should prepare to depart."

"We?"

"Certainly," said Da'an serenely. "I have no intention of missing the match."

Liam grinned again. "Of missing a chance to watch Zo'or lose, you mean."

"I have great faith in your abilities, Liam."

"I'll find a chess set."

* * *

"Checkmate."

Zo'or looked down at the board with a disbelief that was rapidly turning to barely controlled rage. He had just lost...to a human...for the _third _ time. He looked across the board at his opponent.

"Da'an was correct, Major," he said coldly. "You are truly adept at this game. You stated at the beginning that you were inexperienced?"

"Never played before today," agreed Liam with a smirk.

"Indeed. Of course, given the relative simplicity of the game, it is quite natural that you would master it quickly."

"A lesser game for lesser minds, Zo'or?"

"I did not say so, Major," said the Taelon. "But I do wonder how well you would fare against me at a game like foovlashaa."

"I've played that before," said Liam. "That was fun."

"'Fun hardly does justice to the complexities and demands of the game, Major. We could..."

"Zo'or," interrupted Da'an from the side of the room, "I have need of Major Kincaid's services now. You will have to delay your game."

Zo'or looked annoyed. "Agent Sandoval indicated that neither of you was occupied this afternoon."

"That is correct. However, it is almost evening now and I do have a brief meeting to attend. I need Major Kincaid to transport me to the meeting, and to provide security while there."

"Very well," said Zo'or impatiently. "Major, after the meeting, please return to the mothership."

"Major Kincaid will need a chance to rest after the meeting, Zo'or. Perhaps you could delay the match until another time. I believe that our schedule is relatively light two days from now. There should be time then to play. It will hardly be a fair match if Major Kincaid it too tired to think clearly."

"Is that your preference, Major?"

"I could use some sleep tonight," admitted Liam.

"Very well," said Zo'or. "I will see you in two days, then."

* * *

"So what's tonight's meeting about?" Liam asked as he launched the shuttle. "I don't have anything on my schedule."

"There is no meeting," replied Da'an. "You were engaged in chess with Zo'or for several hours. I thought that you might desire a break."

"Thanks. I was getting kind of stiff. Zo'or is kind of intense for a Taelon, especially when he's losing."

"It was a useful experience for him. One that I believe could be improved upon by further losses."

Liam laughed. "Still not satisfied, huh?"

"I believe that Zo'or will be able to discount his loss by focusing on the human origins of the game. It will be much harder to continue to underestimate your intelligence if he loses to you at a Taelon game."

Liam glanced back towards his passenger. "Da'an, do you think there's any chance that Zo'or will get suspicious if I keep beating him?"

"Do not be concerned, Liam. I believe that he will be sufficiently unsettled by his continued losses to ask too many questions."

"We'll see."

* * *

"Volunteer!" Sandoval's voice rang out sharply. "What is this?" He held up a slip of paper rescued from the floor of the lounge.

The Volunteers looked at each other guiltily, carefully avoiding meeting Sandoval's eye. Sandoval picked one out at random.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Volunteer."

"It's...well, sir, it's..." The Volunteer stopped, uncertain of how to continue. Sandoval let the silence hang for a moment as he rotated slowly, focusing on each of the Volunteers in turn. Satisfied that they were all sufficiently terrified, he spoke.

"You've been running a betting pool. On the mothership," he said coldly.

"Yes, sir," said the Volunteer miserably.

Sandoval looked down at the paper.

"It's just that..." said a voice from across the room.

Sandoval spun around and fixed his best glare on the speaker. "It's just that what, Volunteer?" he snapped.

"Well, sir, it's just...Major Kincaid keeps winning, sir. The odds in his favour are..."

"I do not want to hear about the odds, Volunteer. What I want to hear is that all gambling operations aboard the mothership are shutting down immediately. Do I make myself clear?" He extended his glare to include the rest of the unfortunate occupants of the room.

"Yes, sir," muttered the Volunteers.

"Excellent. You should all be grateful that I am the one who found about this. If Zo'or were to discover these activities, the consequences could be...harsh."

Sandoval glared for a moment longer, then turned and left. As soon as he was out of the room, the Volunteers eagerly gathered around the table again.

"So, when's the next match?"

* * *

"Why don't you just tell him you don't want to play anymore?" asked Lili, glancing up briefly from the datastream. Liam looked around cautiously. Zo'or was still absent from his accustomed position on the bridge.

"I can't do that!" he protested. "He'll have me playing at skrill point! You don't understand, he's obsessed with winning."

"Then why don't you lose?" Her fingers played over the holographic panel in front of her. "Lose one game, and Zo'or will be happy."

"I can't do that either."

"Why not? Losing couldn't possibly be worse than your life right now. He's forcing you to spend every second not spent guarding Da'an playing against him. He's dug up nearly every human and Taelon game of skill in existence, including some that I'd never heard of before. When was the last time you got to relax in the evening?"

"He has to run out of games eventually," said Liam.

"Are you sure?" she asked with a grin. "I heard a rumour that he was considering creating a full-time team whose sole purpose will be to develop new strategy games for the two of you to play."

Liam paled.

Sandoval crossed the few feet from his post. "You should listen to Captain Marquette, Major," he said. "If you're not concerned for yourself, be concerned for the Volunteers. Your winning streak is having an unfortunate effect on Zo'or's temper."

"I'm not losing to Zo'or," repeated Liam stubbornly. He paused, then asked, "How badly is it affecting the Volunteers?"

"He hasn't killed any yet," said Sandoval. "That I know of." Liam looked down guiltily.

"On the other hand," said Lili quickly, "watching Zo'or lose to a human nearly every day is doing wonders for their morale."

"I have to get back to the embassy," said Liam. "Da'an has a speech to give at a hospital opening."

"Have fun."

Lili turned to Sandoval after Liam left. "It doesn't sound like he's going to throw the match."

"No, it doesn't," the agent agreed. "How is the betting pool faring?"

"Well, let's just say some of the protectors are going to be eating nothing but shipboard rations for the next month."

"Idiots," snorted Sandoval. "Da'an is a much better foovlashaa player than Zo'or. That should have tipped them off immediately."

"Well, yeah, but who knew that Liam would be so good at janggi? Or whatever Zo'or had him playing yesterday."

"What are the odds on this match, Captain?"

"8 to 1 among the protectors, 6 to 1 among the Volunteers."

"Why the discrepancy?"

"Apparently the Volunteers have more faith in Zo'or's ability than the protectors. Either that, or the protectors are just showing support for their own."

"Perhaps the superior intelligence afforded by the CVI has allowed the protectors to better predict the outcome of the match."

"Maybe," agreed Lili. "Does that mean you're sticking with Liam?"

"Since he intends to win the match, yes. My usual bet, Captain."

"Certainly, Agent Sandoval."

* * *

"What did he say?" asked Augur.

"He won't throw it," replied Lili.

"Excellent!" Augur rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Let's talk wagers."

* * *

Zo'or looked down at the board with a now familiar sinking sensation.

"That's it," said Liam wearily. "Checkmate or foovlashaa or whatever we say for this game."

"Rynge," said Zo'or absently, analyzing his strategy. He had been so sure that this time...

"So we're done, right?" asked Liam hopefully.

Zo'or looked up. "For tonight," he agreed. "Return tomorrow when your duties are complete, Major."

Liam stifled a groan as he left the room and silently repeated his new mantra: _he has to run out of games eventually..._

* * *

Lili looked up from her book as Liam collapsed on his couch.

"There you are. I was wondering if Zo'or had decided to lock you up on the mothership for the night."

"Nearly," he said. "I had to dodge a few skrill blasts and thrown pawns to get away. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. What were you playing tonight?"

"Rynge'gla'gruoqu. Or something like that. It's getting hard to keep track."

"I can imagine," she said, torn between laughter and sympathy. "It's been what now, two months?"

"Two-and-a-half. You know, I never realized before that there were so many variations on chess."

"Variations?"

"Go, siang k'i, axedrez, shogi, dama, damas, mak-ruk, gala..."

"And Zo'or's found them all?"

"Oh yeah."

"That's too bad." She paused, then added casually, "So, who won?"

"Won?"

"Tonight's match."

He shot her an annoyed look. "Guess."

"All you have to do is lose once."

"I'm not sure that would help. Zo'or would probably keep me up there playing that same game over and over forever, just to relive his victory. He really is obsessed, you know."

"Mmm hmmm."

"What are you doing?" asked Liam, sitting up.

"What?" said Lili. "Nothing, nothing. Just transmitting some data that Sandoval asked for." She slid her global shut quickly. Liam strode across the room and yanked the global out of her hands.

"A betting pool?" he said incredulously. "You're taking bets on my games with Zo'or?"

"Come on, Liam! It's harmless fun."

"Lili..." he said warningly.

"And it helps with morale! You know the Volunteers need something with the way Zo'or's been treating them lately."

"Right. And speaking of Zo'or, if he finds out about this..."

"He won't," she said confidently. "We're very well organized."

"I'm not going to be able to stop this, am I?" he sighed, dropping back onto the couch.

"Nope," she agreed with a grin. "The human race has a long history of betting on anything and everything that walks, talks, or moves."

"Right back to the Stone Age. All right, but don't get caught."

"Won't happen," she assured him. "You know, Liam, the odds are getting up there. We could really clean up if you'd throw a game."

"I can't do that, Lili. It's a point of honour." He paused, and then added pointedly, "Besides, Augur would kill me."

"What makes you think he's in on it?"

"When does Augur ever miss a chance to make money?"

"Good point. He told me he considers it partial payment for all the free jobs he's done for you."

"There you go. A very good reason for not losing."

"We could warn him," said Lili thoughtfully. "He'd make even more if he bet against you, that one time. And just think of what it would do to Sandoval..."

Liam lifted his head in surprise. "_Sandoval's_ in on it?"

"Yup."

"And he's betting on me. Against Zo'or," he said disbelievingly.

"And cleaning up."

Liam laughed. "Seeing his expression would almost be worth it."

"Well, then," said Lili hopefully.

"Almost, I said. I'm not losing to Zo'or. I don't care if he keeps me on the mothership for the next century playing games." He sighed. "He probably will keep me on the mothership for the next century."

"Can't you get him to play something a little more...chance-based? Blackjack, roulette, poker..."

"I tried that. He wouldn't go for it. He wants to compete on skill, not luck. The worst part, apart from the mind-numbing boredom, is that I now have no free time for the Resistance or anything else. All of my time is spent protecting Da'an or playing games with Zo'or."

"Poor Liam. Maybe you should ask Zo'or to relieve you of your other duties. You could become his official entertainer."

"I don't think he finds me all that entertaining. Irritating, annoying, frustrating, puzzling...but not entertaining."

"Is there another match scheduled for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Halatafl."

"That doesn't sound like a Taelon game."

"It's a traditional Icelandic Viking game."

"Viking," said Lili thoughtfully. "That should suit Zo'or. Invasion, conquest..."

"Fox and geese," said Liam.

"What?"

"That's what the game's about." He gestured towards his global. "Zo'or gave a copy of the rules to read."

"Fox and geese."

"Yeah."

"Maybe you should talk to Da'an," suggested Lili. "After all, he's the one who started this. It's really his responsibility to end it."

* * *

Liam suppressed the urge to sigh as Zo'or reached out uncertainly, touched a game piece, and then withdrew his hand without moving it.

_M__ove, already_, he urged silently. _It doesn't matter what you do. You've already lost the game._ It didn't look as though Zo'or was going to follow his mental advice, though. The Taelon reached out his hand again, and then withdrew it without touching anything. Liam shifted in his seat a little and looked surreptitiously around the room. He'd already plotted out every possible move that Zo'or could make and the correct response in each case. About twelve turns ago. Now he examined his depressingly familiar surroundings once again. _Same room every time_, he thought glumly. _And no one to even keep me company._ Somewhere around his twentieth loss to Kincaid, Zo'or had banned all spectators from their matches, including Da'an, on the grounds that their presence was distracting. Liam thought it more likely that he just didn't like the humiliation of others seeing him lose repeatedly. _Or maybe it was the cheering from the Volunteers every time I won…or sometimes every turn. _He shifted again. _Of course, it could have been Zo'or actually deciding to __**take**__ his turn that they were cheering for._ He fixed his eyes on the door across from him--his gateway to freedom...if Zo'or ever made his move.

The Taelon reached out once more. This time he actually moved a piece on the board before sitting back with a look of satisfaction. _Finally!_ thought Liam in relief. Then he looked at the board and almost groaned. Of course Zo'or would pick the move that would extend the game as long as possible before its inevitable conclusion. Zo'or caught sight of his expression and, apparently mistaking it for despair over Zo'or's cleverness, smiled smugly. Suppressing another sigh, Liam leaned forward and silently moved one of the small game pieces before sitting back in his seat. Zo'or scowled at the move and began contemplating the board again.

_It wouldn't be so bad if he'd at least provide refreshments. Or maybe hang some pictures so that I would have something new to look at while he's thinking. With all the space available on the mothership, you'd think he could occasionally vary the venue a little. _That thought sparked a new idea. _Hmm...wonder if he'd go for that. Probably not, but it can't hurt to ask._

He waited until Zo'or had completed his move before bringing up his request. There was no point in being accused of intentionally trying to distract the Taelon. _He has no idea how much I __**don't**__ want to distract him. We'd probably be here all night if I did._

"Zo'or," he said.

"It is your turn, Major."

"I know. I'll move in a minute. I was just wondering..."

"Yes?"

"For our next game, do you think we could play somewhere else?"

"Such as where?"

"Earth, maybe?" suggested Liam hopefully.

"Earth?" said Zo'or doubtfully.

"Yeah. It's a custom, among some human cultures, to play games in a pleasant environment with food and drink." _And people._

"Such an environment sounds very distracting," said Zo'or pointedly. "Where would we play?"

Liam considered that. It was a valid question; where would they play? _The Flat Planet?_ He shuddered at the thought of what Augur would do if they played there. _He'd have the whole planet watching on pay-per-view, and take money for running the bets._ The Flat Planet was definitely out. But where else? A faint memory of his mother's rose in his mind...long evenings spent playing chess amidst conversation and laughter. A general atmosphere of acceptance and bonhomie. _Quiet...rural...perfect,_ he decided.

"There's this little pub in Ireland..." he began.

"Little?"

"Very little," he agreed persuasively. "It's not a tourist area. Just a few locals go there. I doubt any of them have ever met a Companion before. I'm sure they'll be very excited."

"I am not sure that would be wise."

"It will be great! Humans like it when Taelons engage in human activities. It helps bridge the gap between our species. And you know the Companions could use some positive publicity right now."

"It is the publicity I am concerned about, Major. I am not sure it will do good things for our reputation if I am seen losing to a human," said Zo'or acidly. "Not that I intend to lose tomorrow," he added quickly.

"There won't be any media there if we don't announce it in advance. Just a small group of humans. Besides, it's a human characteristic to root for the underdog, Zo'or. They'll like you even more than if you lose than if you win. "

"Indeed."

"I know it sounds strange, but it's true."

"Very well, Major," said Zo'or reluctantly. "You may fly me there tomorrow for our kaasaacha match...assuming you win tonight. You can make the security arrangements with Agent Sandoval. Now, take your turn." Liam smiled as he made his next move.

_Tomorrow..._

* * *

The sky over the small Irish town glowed purple in the moonless night. Then the light vanished and the shuttle it heralded settled gracefully onto the ground. Zo'or got out and looked around warily. A few brave souls peeked out from behind curtains in the surrounding houses, but otherwise the streets were relatively empty.

"This is it," said Liam. He gestured towards the building beside them. Zo'or nodded and silently followed him inside.

The actual building was at least a century old and smaller than Zo'or had expected. Electric lights were its only concession to modernity; everything else, from the sturdy wooden furniture to the bare beams of the ceiling, looked like it could have been there from the first day the pub opened. The room looked like it normally might be cozy, at least for humans. Tonight, however, the absence of not only sitting room, but also of standing room had pushed it well into the cramped category. As Kincaid had anticipated, the local residents didn't quite know what to make of their unusual visitors, but apparently no one wanted to miss the excitement.

The Volunteers that Sandoval had brought along for security had already set up the kaasaacha board on one of the tables. The game had clearly originated somewhere other than Earth. The "board" was a three-dimensional crystalline wonder that had left the spectators gasping when it was first revealed. The structure vibrated gently where it sat, giving off a pleasant, low-pitched hum. The effect was decidedly hypnotic.

"Zo'or, Major." Sandoval nodded to each of them in turn. "The security teams are in place and the board is set up. As you instructed, Zo'or, we've allowed the patrons to remain."

"Thank you, Agent Sandoval," said Zo'or with a cold smile. "I trust that you've instructed the Volunteers to remain focused on security, not on the game?"

"Of course, Zo'or. There won't be any problems." He had, in fact, very carefully informed the Volunteer squad that he would not be responsible for the consequences if Zo'or caught them applauding or in any way showing support for Major Kincaid. He had also described in detail what he would do to them once Zo'or was finished with them, assuming there was anything left. He was quite confident that they had gotten the message. Zo'or was difficult enough to deal with these days without the Volunteers making it worse. He nodded in the direction of the waiting table. "If you're both ready."

Zo'or and Liam made their way over to the table and took their seats. Sandoval took up position behind Zo'or, which not only enabled him to effectively protect the Taelon, but also gave him a clear view of the game. _Rank hath its privileges,_ he thought smugly. The money from these matches was nice, but the real thrill came from watching Zo'or lose. Even if it was to Kincaid.

Liam and Zo'or each opened the box containing their playing pieces, and the crowd gasped and strained for a better view. Each playing piece was a miniature work of art, exquisitely carved and polished. As they caught the dim light of the pub, colors began to ripple outwards from the hearts of the pieces before fading away.

Zo'or studied his human opponent in anticipation. Kaasaacha was entirely unlike any of the games they had played thus far. While those games had been predominantly visual, kaasaacha was a game of sound. As each piece was put into play, it gave off its own note. The notes were modified as each additional piece was added. Players won the game by taking control of the resulting music. When played well, a kaasaacha match resembled a symphony. When played badly, well, Sandoval might yet regret positioning himself so close to the game. Most Taelons took years to master kaasaacha; none played well their first time. Tonight would definitely be the night when he finally won. And he would even have an appropriate audience to watch Kincaid finally stumble.

"Are you ready to begin, Major?" he asked.

"Sure," said Liam distractedly. "Just give me a minute." He whispered an order to the waitress who had pushed her way through the crowd. She smiled and returned a moment later with a deep brown drink.

"Tradition," said Liam lifting the mug with a grin. "Let's start."

Liam caught Sandoval's frown as he ordered a drink. _I'm __**not**__ on duty tonight,_ he thought rebelliously. _And I deserve it after all those nights on the mothership._ He wasn't going to have more than one drink—he definitely didn't want to lose here, of all places—but he was determined to enjoy the evening as much as possible.

_Too bad Taelons don't drink,_ he thought absently as he took another sip of the rich beer. Sandoval had never been a heavy drinker, but Siobhan Beckett had enjoyed more than one wild evening, both while in university and in the army. Sitting in a pub surrounded by her countrymen had brought forth memories of some of the more _interesting_ drinking games they'd played. Living in a country where a walk to the store—or an evening in a pub—could mean a violent, ugly death had given rise to a need for sublimation and release, and Beckett had sometimes found hers in a bottle. Liam was fairly sure that if he'd inherited his mother's tolerance for alcohol, he'd be able to drink Zo'or under the table. _On second thought, it's probably better that they don't drink,_ he decided , wincing a little as a few carefully suppressed memories of not-so-pleasant nights surfaced. Having the leader of the Synod wandering around giving orders while intoxicated might be memorable, but it probably wouldn't be pleasant. And dealing with the leader of the Synod while he was dealing with a hangover definitely did not fall into the category of desirable experiences.

At least this game looked like it might vaguely challenging—a game based on music rather than sight. _Interesting concept,_ he thought as he watched Zo'or carefully place the first piece on the vibrating structure. The Taelon raised his head and gazed across the board with an unmistakable look of challenge.

An hour later, Zo'or was feeling better than he had in weeks. True, the human was playing better than expected—no one had needed to call for earplugs—but as Zo'or had expected, he had not been nearly as effective as this game as at previous matches. Thus far, Zo'or had been able to carry out his planned strategy unimpeded. _Why did I not think of this earlier?_ he crowed. Of course humans had the advantage in the visual realm—they were still predominantly predators. But take them outside of their usual realm of expertise and they were helpless.

Around him, the pub patrons gasped as he added a piece, raising the music another level. Kincaid had been correct on that count; these people had never before met a Taelon and they were in awe of him. He was not so sure about the underdog aspect, however. The people in the pub were showing no particular preference for Kincaid, even though he was clearly losing. Even the Volunteers were blessedly silent. He would have to commend Kincaid for selecting this place. The man was really quite tolerable, even exceptional, for a human. Few unenhanced humans could have held up so long against the superior intellect of a Taelon. If Da'an was judging humanity on the basis of his protector, it was no wonder that he saw such promise in them. In fact, it might be worthwhile to observe the Major more closely in other settings. Perhaps Da'an might be persuaded to agree to a temporary trade?

Kincaid made his move, and Zo'or immediately pounced. The melody, which had started to swing in Kincaid's direction, immediately switched back. Zo'or smiled triumphantly at his opponent. It was definitely going to be his match. He could almost feel sorry for the man.

Then he noticed that the Major did not seem the least bit disconcerted by his brilliant move; in fact, Kincaid was returning his smile. The crowd held its breath as casually, almost lazily, Kincaid reached out and put another piece into play. And completely turned the game around.

Zo'or sat staring at the now empty kaasaacha board, replaying the match in his head. Across the pub, Kincaid was accepting congratulations from the patrons and fending off offers of free drinks, including one or two from women who were obviously hoping to offer congratulations of a more personal nature in private later on. And the Volunteers, the insufferable Volunteers, were quietly toasting Kincaid with glasses of cola and orange juice.

_It's impossible,_ thought Zo'or angrily. _It is inconceivable that a human could defeat a Taelon at kaasaacha._ It was inconceivable that a human could defeat a Taelon at eighty strategy games in a row. The Taelons were by far the superior species. Had they not pulled themselves up from their primitive ancestry? Made the transition from matter to energy? Formed the Commonality? Made great strides in technology, conquered the stars, and navigated their way across millions of light years? How could one lousy, primitive, unenhanced human defeat millions of years of grace and evolution and intelligence? It was clearly impossible.

"So Major Kincaid really won?" said a strongly accented voice from nearby. "I thought Taelons were supposed to be smart." Other voices murmured in agreement.

"I guess the game was a little too challenging for him," said someone else. "I mean, he's just a diplomat, right? You can't really expect him to do well at these sorts of things."

"You could tell from the beginning that he was having trouble. Major Kincaid looked so confident all the way through."

"Well, look at his name, Liam Kincaid, he's obviously Irish, even if he calls himself American. No alien can beat an Irishman at a game of music."

Zo'or glared at the oblivious speakers, fuming helplessly, then turned to the man behind him. "Agent Sandoval," he snapped.

"Yes, Zo'or?" replied the human calmly.

Zo'or searched the implant's face carefully for any sign of rejoicing and found none. The man was as inscrutable as always. "Please inform Major Kincaid that I am ready to return to the mothership immediately."

"As you wish, Zo'or."

"This is the last time we play on Earth," vowed Zo'or quietly.

* * *

"Liam," greeted Da'an, "I thought you had gone home for the night."

"I'm on my way out now," replied the protector. "We haven't seen much of each other lately, so I thought I'd drop in and say hello before I left."

"Zo'or is keeping you very busy."

"Zo'or is driving me crazy. Da'an, you've to do something."

The Taelon gestured with his usual asymmetrical grace. "What would you have me do, Liam?"

"Get Zo'or to stop. Find some way to end these games. And don't tell me to lose; I won't do that."

"I see." The Taelon tilted his head. "Perhaps you are right. I think that Zo'or has learned not to underestimate human skill--or at least your skill--and his continued obsession with winning is beginning to interfere with his duties as Synod leader. He was very distracted during the last Synod meeting; when I questioned him about it he mumbled something about birds of some sort. I will think about how this might be ended.

"In the meantime, I suggest you prepare for tomorrow's match. It will be somewhat different from the previous matches."

Liam rubbed his palm nervously. "Different? How?"

"Zo'or will not be your opponent. He has asked a Taelon named Ma'az to play against you."

"Oh God, another one," he groaned.

"Ma'az is not like Zo'or. His interest is in seigga, not victory per se. There are many who believe his play is the exemplar of perfection. If he loses at that, he will not challenge you at anything else."

"If he's that good, maybe I'll be the one to lose."

"It is always a possibility, Liam. But I believe that if anyone can defeat him, it is you. And it will bring a certain measure of satisfaction to many should you win."

"I take it Ma'az is not well liked among the Taelons."

Another graceful gesture. "Ma'az is...quite sure about his abilities. Sometimes to the point of arrogance."

"That's a racial trait among your people, Da'an," he said dryly.

"Perhaps. Ma'az, however, carries it to the extreme. I am surprised that Zo'or was able to persuade him to play against a human. I would have expected that he would consist such a match a waste of time."

"Too bad he didn't," said Liam. "I'm going home, Da'an. Don't forget to think about a way to end this."

"I will consider the matter," promised the Taelon. "Good night, Liam."

"Good night."

* * *

"Agent Sandoval."

The dark-haired agent looked up from the center of the room where he was supervising the set up of the seigga board.

"Yes, Da'an?"

"Are the game preparations on schedule?"

"They are, Da'an."

"How many do you believe will attend the match?"

Zo'or had lifted the usual ban on spectators for the upcoming match with Ma'az. It would take place in a public venue, open to every Taelon and Companion agent who cared to attend.

"We're expecting every off-duty human on the ship, along with everyone who can manage to secure a ride to the ship. I'm not sure how many Taelons plan on coming."

"I expect there will be quite a few. Ma'az's skill is greatly admired."

Sandoval nodded in acknowledgment and turned back to the board.

"Agent Sandoval."

"Is there something else I can do for you, Da'an?"

"I recently overheard some of the Volunteers discussing wagers. I believe the discussion was in relation to this match."

Sandoval silently cursed the carelessness of Volunteers and vowed to spend his next break dreaming up new and humiliating threats and punishments. Obviously the old ones were no longer effective.

"Some of the volunteers were placing bets on the outcome of the matches between Zo'or and Major Kincaid," he said placatingly. "I ordered them to shut it down, but apparently a few ignored the order. I'll take care of it, Da'an."

"I believe that the protectors are engaged in similar activities."

"It's possible," admitted Sandoval. "Gambling is a common past time among many humans. I'll do a thorough investigation before the match."

"That is not why I asked," said Da'an. "What are the odds being offered on the outcome?"

"How would I know that, Da'an?"

The Taelon tilted his head and waited. After a minute, Sandoval sighed.

"Slightly in Major Kincaid's favour in both pools. There's not as wide a spread as usual; Ma'az is an unknown entity."

"I see. And if I wished to place a bet?"

Sandoval looked at him appraisingly. "I didn't think Taelons gambled, Da'an."

"Part of my role as North American Companion is to learn more about human behavior, Agent Sandoval. Sometimes the best way to do that is to engage in it. And I have observed that humans often enjoy victory more if they benefit materially from the outcome."

"See Captain Marquette if you want to place a bet. You have until fifteen minutes before the match begins."

"Thank you, Agent Sandoval." Da'an turned and began to walk away.

"Da'an," called Sandoval. The Taelon paused and turned to face him.

"Who are you betting on?" asked Sandoval curiously.

"I have great confidence in my protector's abilities. If I did not, he would not be my protector."

Sandoval nodded. He'd have to pay his own visit to Marquette before the match.

* * *

A cheer went up from the humans in the room. Ma'az looked at the seigaa board in shock.

"Impossible!" He looked around the room. "Impossible," he repeated.

"The match is over," said Zo'or, stepping forward. "It would appear that Major Kincaid is the victor."

"That cannot be," said Ma'az desperately. "I have not been defeated in 500 years."

"This is a new experience, then," said Mit'gai with a satisfied smile. The Taelon healer was actually looking smugger than he usually did, something Liam hadn't before realized was possible. His satisfaction seemed to be shared by the majority of the Taelons in the room. In fact, apart from Ma'az, only Zo'or looked at all disconcerted, and even he seemed torn as to how he felt about the outcome.

"Either way he wins," muttered Liam. A hand descended onto his shoulder.

"I never expected to see Taelons rooting for a human over a fellow Taelon," said Lili with a smile. "Glad you didn't disappoint them."

"Yeah, but that means Zo'or is going to keep on dragging me up here."

"Congratulations, Major," said Sandoval, making his way towards them. He offered his hand. "That was a well-played match."

"Thanks," said Liam with something akin to mild shock. He shook Sandoval's hand. _Guess he must have stuck with betting on me._ Other well-wishers came forward from the crowd to shake his hand or slap his back and offer congratulations before making their way out of the room. Even a few of the Taelons came over to personally congratulate him. Liam accepted it all with a smile, while mentally reviewing the security protocols for the ceremony Da'an was to attend the next morning.

"I'm almost ready to throw a match," he said to Lili when the crowd had finally, mercifully cleared away.

"That may not be necessary, Liam," said Da'an, approaching from behind them. "I believe I have found a solution."

Liam turned. "You're getting Zo'or transferred to another planet?" he asked, only half-joking.

"No. Although that idea is not entirely unappealing. Searching through our archives, I have discovered an ancient Kimeran game, Masashaii."

"Doesn't ring a bell," said Liam doubtfully.

"I am certain that you can master it," said Da'an confidently. "And I believe that it may solve your problem."

* * *

Liam set his last piece into place. "That's the end of the game," he said.

"But there is no winner," objected Zo'or.

"Nope," agreed Liam cheerfully. "It's a draw."

"A draw," said Zo'or.

"Yes, a draw. A tie game. A stalemate. No winner, no loser. We're equal. Game over."

"I see," said Zo'or slowly.

"Do you want to play again?" asked Liam.

"No," said Zo'or. "This is a satisfactory outcome."

"Okay." Liam held his breath. _Please let it be enough._

"I have been reviewing protector records, Major, and have noted that I have been taking up an inordinate amount of your time recently. You are Da'an's protector, not mine. I believe that it is unfair to Da'an to pull you away from your duties so often. I think, therefore, that it would be best if our games were to end."

Liam exhaled in relief. "Whatever you say, Zo'or."

"That will be all, Major. You may return to Earth."

"Thanks." Liam paused on his way out. "Good match, Zo'or."

In the corridor, Liam was ready to start skipping.

"From the way you're grinning, I'd say it worked," said Lili.

"It worked," agreed Liam. He flung an arm around her playfully. "I'm free, free, free. No more games."

Lili laughed. "Does that mean we'll start seeing you in the Flat Planet again soon?"

"Absolutely! In fact, I'll buy the first round tonight."

Inside the playing room, Zo'or circled the three-dimensional board carefully, examining the structure that had been built over the course of the game. At last he began to grin, and his continued circling began to suspiciously resemble a victory dance. _At last!_ he exalted. _I didn't lose!_

* * *

"You lost!" exclaimed Augur in disbelief. "What do you mean, you lost?"

"I didn't lose," said Liam patiently. "It was a draw. The only way to win at Masashaii is if your opponent makes a mistake. Zo'or didn't make any."

"Liam, are you telling me you just tied with Zo'or at the Kimeran equivalent of tic-tac-toe?"

"Masashaii is a very complex and dynamic game," began Liam.

"And you didn't warn me!?"

Liam winced at the increasing volume of Augur's voice and looked around worriedly at his small collection of breakables. Perhaps they should have had this conversation at Augur's place instead...

"You cleaned up on every match for three months," he protested. "Don't tell me you lost more on the last match than you won on all the rest."

"Well, no," admitted Augur. "But you know how much I hate to lose."

"I wasn't sure of the outcome," said Liam with a shrug. "It is a difficult game. I thought Zo'or might make a mistake."

"But he didn't."

"Nope. And now he's happy and I _didn't_ have to lose."

Augur smiled reluctantly. "Who imagined there would come a day when Zo'or would be happy to tie with a mere human? Not that you're exactly human, kid."

Liam smirked. "It was kind of fun for the first month. Zo'or just couldn't understand why he kept losing."

"Here's hoping he never finds out. I've gotta go. See you later."

Lili came in a moment later.

"I passed Augur on the way out," she commented. "He didn't look too unhappy, all things considered."

"I pointed out that he made a lot more on me than he lost."

"Yeah. Speaking of making money, we both did pretty well on that last match. Although not as well as would have done if you'd agreed to lose..."

"That's cheating."

"Spoilsport. Here's your payoff. You can take a nice vacation or something. Maybe go to Vegas and..."

"Anywhere but there," said Liam firmly.

"Don't want to play games you aren't sure you'll win?" she teased.

"I don't want to even think about playing any game for at least a year."

"So I guess you won't be joining the protectors' monthly poker game anytime soon. Hey, did you know that Da'an joined in the betting?"

"On the last match?"

"No, he bet on your match against Ma'az. Said he wanted to try a new human experience."

"Who did he bet on?"

"Who do you think?"

"I wonder what he's going to do with the money?" he asked thoughtfully.

"No idea. Let's go downstairs. You owe me a drink."

* * *

Da'an carefully a small statue on Liam's desk, then stepped back and observed the item thoughtfully. He hoped that Liam would like it. It seemed appropriate that he be the one to benefit; it had been his victory.

In the low evening light of the embassy, the figure of Tyche gleamed dully. Beside it lay a small card reading "For protection against the vicissitudes of certainty."

FIN

That's all, folks. Unless, of course, I decide to write a sequel. The next one could "Fun and Games II: Games of Chance". After all, they never did get to play Monopoly. Or Life. Or strip poker. Or I could just move straight to "Fun and Games II: Drinking Games".

Thanks for sticking around for the whole thing! Let me know what you thought.


End file.
